Semantics
by Mystical Dreamweaver
Summary: Part 1: Renji and his feelings for Rukia. Introspective piece. Part 2: Rukia and her feelings for Renji with Ichigo sprinkled in.
1. Chapter 1

So I got tired of reading Ichiruki fics where Renji is portrayed as some poor, lovesick fool and decided to write a fic depicting what I believe to be Renji's feelings for Rukia. It turned out shorter than I intended, but I think I hit most of the points I wanted to get at.

**Semantics**

The general consensus was that he loved her.

It was certainly true. He wouldn't deny it. He did love her. He loved Kuchiki Rukia more than he loved anyone else, living or dead.

But the common misconception was that he loved her in **that** way. You know, the romantic, I want to be with you forever kind of way. The way that a man loves a woman such that he would do anything for her: protect, fight, even die.

He supposed he couldn't blame them. The way he acted did tend to fit that mould. He would do anything for Rukia, go to any lengths to ensure her safety.

However, the simple fact of the matter was he didn't love her like that. Or at least, he wasn't aware of it. You see, he wasn't the kind of man who thought deeply about things like this. He didn't do that introspective, look inside your heart shit. That was for souls that had time to kill. That wasn't him. If he had extra time to lay around and think, he might as well spend it trying to get stronger. Because you couldn't protect anything if you were weak.

To him, there were two kinds of souls: the kind (usually without reiatsu) that dawdled in Soul Society until they died and got reincarnated, and the kind (usually with reiatsu) that trained to get stronger to protect something.

He was the second kind. And he wanted to protect two things. Like all good shinigami, he wanted to protect Soul Society and defenceless souls against Hollows. But first and foremost, as a person, he wanted to protect Rukia.

Because he loved her.

Because she was the single most important person to him in the world.

Because she was his light in a dark world. She was the reason he lived.

Because while he had other friends now, she would always be the one he considered family. The others had died back in Rukongai, leaving only Rukia and himself.

So you see, he did love Rukia, but that love didn't have the label everyone seemed to attach to it.

Maybe everyone was right and he loved her like a man loves a woman.

Maybe everyone was wrong and he simply loved her as a friend.

Maybe he loved her like a sister—although that would lead to unfortunate comparisons to Byakuya, her actual brother.

Who knew? Even he didn't for sure. And he felt no reason to define it. He loved Rukia and he wanted to protect her. That was enough for him. Let everyone else draw their own conclusions.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Unrelated to the previous drabble, but I really didn't feel like making a separate story for this and both are related to Renji's character. Semantics title doesn't really hold any longer though.

* * *

"Because Renji doesn't have anyone else!" Rukia screeched at him, fury and despair swirling in her eyes.

He didn't process the words, not really. "What the hell does that mean?" he pushed back gruffly.

Rukia slumped like a rag doll, the arms she'd brought up to shove at him sagging limply to her sides. "Do you really not get it, Ichigo?" she asked softly, the anger draining away to exhaustion.

He hated seeing her like this, hated to think that he was the cause of such defeat in someone he'd always known to be strong. "I don't want to argue, Rukia. I just don't understand why Renji has anything to do with this, with us. You said yourself that he doesn't love you that way."

"He doesn't," Rukia confirmed. "But that doesn't change a thing. Friendship is the only thing I can give you, Ichigo." She looked up at him, willing him to understand.

He didn't. "You like me, Rukia. I know you do. As more than just friends."

Rukia didn't deny it this time, her silence all the confirmation he needed. "Then why?" he asked again, beginning to feel vaguely like a broken telephone.

The diminutive raven haired girl crossed her arms, looking away. "Think, Ichigo. You know Renji is my oldest friend."

He nodded slowly. "Yeah, you guys met in one of the higher districts of Rukongai. After the rest of your friends died, you two decided to come to Seireitei and join the shinigami academy." He was about to ask the relevance of this train of thought when Rukia beat him to the punch.

"Keep going," she said pointedly.

He frowned. She was serious. "Renji tested into the advanced class while you were in the normal one. Someone must have tipped off Byakuya about the appearance of a shinigami that looked like his dead wife because he showed up one day and offered to adopt you. You agreed, became a Kuchiki and automatically graduated into a place in the Gotei 13."

"Did you ever wonder why I agreed?"

He blinked. "Well, you'd never had a family," he suggested tentatively, "and the Kuchiki clan is all prestigious and shit, so..."

Rukia nodded, not taking offence. "That's the general assumption. It is a great honour to enter the Kuchiki clan. Even then, when I knew little of Seireitei's inner workings, I was humbled by the offer." She paused. "However, I still intended to politely decline as best my poor etiquette allowed."

That shocked him. For as long as he'd known her, Rukia had always taken such pride in her family name. And as much as an ass as Byakuya could be, she obviously loved him.

Seeing his confusion, Rukia smiled weakly. She sealed Sode no Shirayuki and plonked on the ground of the training field they'd chosen, glancing up at him expectantly. He quickly joined her, the shock of Kuchiki Rukia being so undignified as to sit on the dirty ground overshadowed by the curve ball she'd thrown only a moment ago.

Placing her hands in her lap, Rukia began her tale. "At the time, nii-sama and the Kuchiki clan meant nothing to me. I was ignorant of any ties I had to the family. Plus, while many viewed what was happening to me as straight out of a fairytale, I did not see myself as an orphan in need of a home. I already had a family, one I loved and was loved by. Our bonds were stronger than blood, forged through adversity and the mutual need to survive."

He saw where she was going, could feel the puzzle pieces of her previous words falling slowly into place.

"Renji may have been all I had left of the family I found in Rukongai, but he was enough." Rukia's soulful violet orbs stared into his own, urging him to see the truth of her words. "I loved him. I didn't need anyone else." Her voice lowered sombrely. "But he didn't see it that way. When Renji heard, he told me to take the offer, said it was a chance for me to finally have a real family."

She gave a choked laugh. "He was a fool, but then so was I. Hurt by his words and seeming blatant disregard for our own family ties, I became a Kuchiki. Our friendship never broke, but we grew apart. Until the day I was sentenced to death for giving my powers to a human and Renji saw the reality of life in the Kuchiki clan. When he saw that his taichou, my nii-sama, wasn't going to lift a finger to save me, Renji turned his back on the entire Gotei 13 in a foolhardy attempt to free me."

"Hey, I was part of that so called foolhardy attempt. It worked, didn't it?" It was a poor attempt at their usual banter, but he couldn't stand Rukia's near tears state.

"It did, in the crazy way your impulsive plans always seem to find a way of working out," Rukia replied, her voice mercifully stable.

"Yeah, yeah," he brushed off, waiting for her to continue now that it appeared the tearing crisis had been averted.

Rukia seemed hesitant though. "Ano, I know you came after me in Seireitei even when I told you not to. I know you fought Renji because he stood against you. I don't want you to think I'm not grateful—"

Ichigo snorted. "Oh, come on. You thanked me back then. I don't need to keep hearing it. Besides, even without me, you had Ukitake and Kyouraku-taichou planning to break you free. And without Hanatarou healing me and Yoruichi's training, I might not have made it. As for Renji, he was being an idiot, but I could tell he didn't want to fight. He wanted the same thing I did. He just hadn't figured out a way to save you on his own yet."

"I know. When I was being held in the sixth division's cells, I saw Renji's internal struggle even though he tried to hide it. He'd been counting on nii-sama to save me. The revelation that it wasn't going to happen, coupled with the daunting impossibility of facing the entire Gotei 13 to save me, threw Renji into turmoil until your arrival. You inspired him to fight against the odds, but even then it wasn't an easy decision to make. Renji has never said this to my face, but I know it must have hurt to cut down his own division members, to fight those who'd trusted and believed in him."

Rukia reached for Sode no Shirayuki and Ichigo knew she was taking comfort in her sword's presence.

"I knew then that Renji cared for me as much as I did him. He cut ties with me in the academy in a misguided act of self sacrifice for me to lead a better life. But finding out then was decades too late. We couldn't go back to the way it used to be, just the two of us. I loved my nii-sama and felt proud to hold the Kuchiki name. We repaired our bond, but with the knowledge that I had two brothers now while Renji only had me. He still only has me."

If not Rukia's words, the solemn cast of her voice would have told him all he needed to know. It hammered home in a way her anger earlier hadn't.

"I understand. He's your family and you feel like you betrayed him by accepting someone else as family. But Rukia, families aren't closed off units like you make it sound. I have my little sisters and I love them, but I know one day they'll meet someone, fall in love, get married and have their own families. I'll still be their brother no matter what."

Rukia glared at him. "Idiot! Don't you think I know that? That's not the point."

Okay, now he was confused again. "Then what is?"

"I changed the dynamic between us when I gained a brother. I refuse to be the one to change our dynamic again."

"That's ridiculous." The words were out before he could modulate them and he had to hold up a hand in peace at Rukia's heated glare. "That came out wrong. What I meant is that family relations aren't about tit for tat. Just because you got Byakuya as a brother doesn't mean Renji has to find a new sibling before you can think about dating. Or if we dated and didn't work out, you don't have to wait for him to date too before starting a new relationship. Things don't work that way."

"You're right. They don't."

Heh, it looked like he was finally getting through to her.

"How about this then?" Rukia's voice was sharp and cold, a combination he expected from Byakuya, not her. "I hurt Renji when I became a Kuchiki. It doesn't matter that I didn't mean to or that he even encouraged it. The fact is I did. I hurt the only person who has been there for me for nearly as long as I can remember. I refuse to do so again." A brief flash of regret speared through the ice in her eyes. "If you can't accept that..." she trailed off. She got up swiftly, warring emotions coiling around her like a cloud, and made to shunpo off.

"I get it." The words scraped like nails as they were pulled from his throat, but they stopped her in her tracks. Rukia turned slowly to face him and he forced himself to meet her gaze. "I get it," he repeated. "I won't bring it up again."

It was a promise and he knew she recognized it as such because of the pure relief that flooded her face. He stuck to his promises. He wouldn't be the one to mention it again. If there was ever going to be anything more than friendship between them, it'd have to be Rukia's move.

He could see wariness still lingering in her eyes though. "Friends?" he asked casually, as if they hadn't just gone through a spar, a screaming match and a heart to heart.

The wariness faded, her eyes lighting up with her smile. "Always."

He returned her smile even as his Hollow snarled that her reply was more a curse than a blessing.

Maybe it would be always, forever, an eternity. Maybe he'd love her that long too and be forced to spend the rest of his life pining.

At least he'd always have her.

* * *

AN: Not hating on Hisana or anything, but it's true that to Rukia (who like all souls doesn't remember her human life), Renji and their Rukongai friends were her first real family.

In response to reviews about Renji not choosing to save Rukia until Ichigo knocked it into him, I admit I'd forgotten their fight. It's also been a while since I've read Bleach. I've edited this slightly to reflect this, but in the end, I believe that Renji always intended to save Rukia. Ichigo's presence was simply a catalyst.

Yeah, I hate long author notes too, guys, but I felt this was necessary to try to stave off the shitload of reviews I'm getting about Rukia being an idiot or Renji being an obstacle to Rukia's happiness. First off, I realize Rukia's reasoning here is flawed. She does too. Unfortunately, her own guilt won't let her do anything about it. Second of all, it's not Renji that's holding Rukia back (he certainly doesn't know she holds these thoughts and he never told her not to date Ichigo because he doesn't want to share her. Renji is not that selfish), it's her own guilt. It's self destructive and maybe eventually, for Rukia's own health, Ichigo will go to Renji and tell him so the readhead can knock some sense into her. But as for right now, Ichigo realizes this is Rukia's own problem and she won't appreciate the intrusion into her personal affairs, so he lets it be. Lastly, PLEASE do not try to put it on me that Ichigo and Rukia don't get together or the fic doesn't really have an "Ichiruki" feel. This fic was never meant to be romance (check the genres). It was originally meant to be an introspective piece on Renji that I added to by having Rukia and Ichigo discuss Renji. It is mainly about Renji and Rukia's BOND, which I firmly believe to be very strong and very platonic in canon. I wrote this because I find fics on Renji and Rukia's bond to be lacking in the Bleach fandom. That's the general impetus for me to write any fic. I write about bonds first and foremost. Romance has and remains to be secondary for me.


End file.
